Every now and again I like to rant about stupid shit that amuses me. Very few of those times come from PVs, or MVs; in this case, MVs. I love Korean boy bands as much as the next person, which would probably be...not so much, but that's not the point. I love Koreans period, but there comes a time in every Evil-chan's life when they stop and think, "Wow, they are such fags." Now would be one of those times. So for my first example and rant, I bring you TVXQ's MV for Balloon.



Look how happy they all are, dancing like little fairies. It just makes you want to kick them and yell "What the fuck kind of drugs are you people on?!". At least that's what I get out of it. I don't know what Kim Jaejoong's deal is, or why he thinks that costume (what is he supposed to be? A reindeer/cat hybrid?) is working for him. Blonde hair really makes a person's intellegence level go down. -coming from a natural blonde..

Now, I'm not a fan of TVXQ, so I'm sorry if you are and I offend you in any way, but what the hell is wrong with the first guy who sings? The one in the red sweater and dorky bowtie? There are so many things wrong with his face that it's not even funny, but I'll spare you the long "omg" list of how his face is hilarious. There is really no sense in smiling so much.

And the guy in the green sweater. *grins* Holy rice cakes, where do I begin with him?! He just looks like a major goober, and I don't even know what to say about his face... It cracks me up, yet I can't think of a way to explain why it does. (*is yet to find a good looking member besides Jaejoong*) I seriously think this guy sucks at singing..

Next boy~! He needs to ditch the boy band, because even when he's on his own he looks like a fag. It just can't be helped, especially when you're a member of a Korean boy band...

Jaejoong, he does that kinda bounce-in-my-seat kind of move too much, and it kind of gets annoying, and his eyes are always wide and again with the smiling! >_< You try walking on the beach with someone who waddles! It'll take you for ever to get to the water and back, and she might even go for a dip....way under water. If you're really lucky, she'll get eaten by a Seal or an Orca whale, but if your beach is filled with those things, I really want you to tell me where in the world you decided to go, because if I ever pick up a peguin chick I want to take her there to get rid of her.

What's with the kid with the balloon? I know the song is called Balloon, but is he trying to be the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz? Seriously, what the hell is he wearing? I want to know these things so I can make a note to not make the same mistake in the future. And what are the other ones? A dog, sheep, tiger...? Holy hell I just saw a deer. I was right about a reindeer! Who would have thunk it?! Oh, there's a bunny too. Now I'm getting excited. >.>

By the way, the face Jaejoong makes at the end because the kid isn't dancing is the most adorable thing in that MV.

Moving on!




Oh man, this one's a good one! I won't lie to you, because I find myself liking Super Junior's gayness, in fact I had Super Junior on my MP3 player awhile back. That doesn't mean I'm going to say something nice, because I'm a very sarcastic mood so most things I say will probably sound stupid or offensive.

First of all I want to point out Eeteuk dressed as a panda. I love pandas, and Eeteuk was my favorite member, but never do I want to see the two mixed. A dancing panda, is a bad panda, and a bad panda is frowned upon in Banana-Panda-Land. *shakes head* YOU, EETEUK HAVE MADE THE HOLY PANDA GODS ANGRY, FOR THOU HAS MADE A MOCKERY OUT OF THEM! You should be ashamed of yourself, little boy.

This MV really makes me want to start dancing in front of my school, where everyone could make fun of me. Do a little jumping to the side, some nice spins in some snazzy red pants, maybe throw in a few air guitar jumps and points...yeah I'll have it goin' on! I'll be the most popular kid in the school! Popular because I made myself look like an idiot, but what would I care? I could be the next member of Super Junior! Yeah, like they need anymore of those.

I want to know who taught them to dance so I can smack them in the face...hard core, and tell them how fucking stupid they are. "Oh~ lets do a few spinny spins! NOW STRUT MY BABIES! STRUT LIKE YOU'VE NEVER STRUTTED BEFORE IN YOUR LIFE!!!"

Super Junior is such a complex group, that I can't even name them all to pick fun at them individually. But I really love the slow-mo jump they do at the beginning. It's like they were doing some High School Musical shit or something. You half expect them to burst out into their version of "Beat On It". (Yeah, I know the song, but in my defense I have a little sister who is Zac Efron obsessed.) Thankfully Super Junior isn't that gay. They're gay, but not that gay.

I'm seriously tempted to try that dance just so I can attempt to understand why they're so happy. Is the happiness in the dance, or like TVXQ, are they from Happy Fag Land, home of TVXQ and Super Junior?

I don't know what's in Korean water, but I really don't want to find out because once I drink it I'll start wearing dorky sweaters with bowties, or dress up as an animal and begin singing and dancing. Who will stop the crazy Koreans from world domination through dance?!

But now I'm done making fun of the Korean boy band scene. I love Koreans, really I do, so to make up for being so mean to them, I will now make fun of some Japanese boy bands. This should be good.



Arashi. What do I say about them? My sister is a fan of Arashi, in fact she made me watch this PV with her and I about died laughing at their EPIC PHAIL.There's too much color and the animation is cheesy. I bet the guys of Alice Nine could have used some of the RAINBOWS in this PV. I'm not even kidding, they could seriously donate some to a good cause, but no they chose to keep them to themselves. You dumb bastards. How could you?

First of all, dude that is one killer car. Oh my god, I am so jealous of you and your epicness. I would LOVE to drive around town in that, but I also don't want to risk getting shot on the West Side for driving a weird car while singing Kitto Daijoubu. Only you could pull that off, because I would get killed for that where I live. Japan, the Magical Japan Land; where no one will shoot you for you epic-fag-mobiles.

I really love the dancing in the suits in front of the rainbow surrounded by clouds. I think that's very cute. So cute that my eyes have melted into a ewwy gooey puddle of eye ball gunk. And MAN~ that is one fucking amazing hat you got there, Mr. Dude on the end, dancing like you got no cares in da worldz!

OOOOHHHWHOOOOAAAHH! YOU CAN WALK ON RAINBOWS IN JAPAN?! O_O Now I really wanna go.

Umm, you three walking so close together... Are you getting it from behind? Why is the first guy left out? No one is nailing him. Is it because he's taller, or is it because he doesn't have a hat on? It's really mean to deprive a man of their needs.

WAIT! YOU'RE TELL ME THAT WAS JUST A GREEN SCREEN? YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T WALK ON DA RAINBOWS IN JAPAN?! I'm really hurt by this fact. I really thought Japan was magical. Now I have nothing to live for.

If I saw Arashi in a park, I would tackle them all and hurt them for ruining my hopes and dreams. Dude, seriously I don't even want to finish this PV because it's so retarded, but I really enjoy making fun of them..

What a great dance sequence. You guys are really gettin' your grooves on now! I've never seen someone touch their knees that well before in my life. I take back anything I said about Super Junior's dancing and TVXQ's dancing... Arashi can't dance either..


Well, now that I'm starting to feel like a bitch for being oh-so mean to those three groups, and the fact that my brain will no longer function properly due to all the PHAILS I've witnessed in such a short amount of time, I will conclude my rant for now by saying:

1. I am upset that Arashi lied to me.
2. TVXQ has made me want to beat my head into a brick building.
3. Super Junior has proved that Koreans like to dress up like animals and show their epic phails at the same time.

Hmmm. Who would have known. It's a statement, not a question. XD